16 Jul 2012

keri: (reading on lawn)
I never write here anymore. Oh well.

3 days is probably too soon for the Ortho-Tricyclin to start working, right? because it's DEFINITELY not working right now. I went to the doc last Monday to see about getting a fix for the fact that when my period comes around, I can't sleep enough and get way more depressed than usual, even while on the Savella, and also cramps are intolerable. She put me on a variable dose BC, which I didn't react well too as a pre-teen, but whatevs, and told me to get to a gyno for a PAP and blood work and maybe more detailed BC testing. Anyway, she also said not to start it until after my period began, and then I asked the pharmacist if there was any reason to delay if I wasn't taking it to prevent pregnancy? and she said no, but it was already TOO LATE because it started that same afternoon.

Anyway, as of 3pm this afternoon, I'd been cramping/uncomfortable for about 60 hours, which is basically not on. I have to remember next month to schedule myself a day off the weekend I'm due to start. (I'm doing the schedule now. Also, I'm working 5 days a week now - no more Saturdays off unless I take a vacation day. Didn't get a raise, though.)

Also, I've been dealing with heightened anxiety since Tuesday or Wednesday, i forget which? but it's definitely not the normal kind, and since Friday, I've felt my mental state slip-sliding down, and now I'm definitely in the depression zone. And I hate this, because I know that it doesn't have to be this way! I don't want to go to work tomorrow, because I'm feeling like a failure at my job, even though I know that I JUST got my annual review and my boss was like "you are awesome, keep it up, also here are more responsibilities".

So, yeah.

(Added to this I hate the way I look right now, i've gained 10 pounds since this time last year and all the clothes I bought last summer and fall when I needed more daily stuff for work don't fit well, and I can't afford to buy a new work wardrobe, and I hate how frumpy my old stuff from 2010 looks...I did buy a new skirt and dress, but I can't wear them *every* day, and a lot of my clothes that do fit moderately well are completely inappropriate for the heat/humidity of mid-summer. Trying to figure out what I will wear tomorrow that's easy to change into something for physical therapy, when I only have 30 minutes to get from work to the facility, and it's making me want to cry even more. Maybe I'll just wear my grey wool slacks and not change out of them, since they're fairly loose and easy to move in. I only have black long-sleeve shirts to wear with them, though!)
keri: (reading on lawn)
I never write here anymore. Oh well.

3 days is probably too soon for the Ortho-Tricyclin to start working, right? because it's DEFINITELY not working right now. I went to the doc last Monday to see about getting a fix for the fact that when my period comes around, I can't sleep enough and get way more depressed than usual, even while on the Savella, and also cramps are intolerable. She put me on a variable dose BC, which I didn't react well too as a pre-teen, but whatevs, and told me to get to a gyno for a PAP and blood work and maybe more detailed BC testing. Anyway, she also said not to start it until after my period began, and then I asked the pharmacist if there was any reason to delay if I wasn't taking it to prevent pregnancy? and she said no, but it was already TOO LATE because it started that same afternoon.

Anyway, as of 3pm this afternoon, I'd been cramping/uncomfortable for about 60 hours, which is basically not on. I have to remember next month to schedule myself a day off the weekend I'm due to start. (I'm doing the schedule now. Also, I'm working 5 days a week now - no more Saturdays off unless I take a vacation day. Didn't get a raise, though.)

Also, I've been dealing with heightened anxiety since Tuesday or Wednesday, i forget which? but it's definitely not the normal kind, and since Friday, I've felt my mental state slip-sliding down, and now I'm definitely in the depression zone. And I hate this, because I know that it doesn't have to be this way! I don't want to go to work tomorrow, because I'm feeling like a failure at my job, even though I know that I JUST got my annual review and my boss was like "you are awesome, keep it up, also here are more responsibilities".

So, yeah.

(Added to this I hate the way I look right now, i've gained 10 pounds since this time last year and all the clothes I bought last summer and fall when I needed more daily stuff for work don't fit well, and I can't afford to buy a new work wardrobe, and I hate how frumpy my old stuff from 2010 looks...I did buy a new skirt and dress, but I can't wear them *every* day, and a lot of my clothes that do fit moderately well are completely inappropriate for the heat/humidity of mid-summer. Trying to figure out what I will wear tomorrow that's easy to change into something for physical therapy, when I only have 30 minutes to get from work to the facility, and it's making me want to cry even more. Maybe I'll just wear my grey wool slacks and not change out of them, since they're fairly loose and easy to move in. I only have black long-sleeve shirts to wear with them, though!)

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